Ordinary things like grocery shopping

are made all the more fun with this litto bear in tow. "Moooore? Pleasssse?" "One!"

So long, sugar

I'm excited to say that this Jolly Rancher-loving, lollipop hoarding, See's Candies addict is finally ready to give up sugar!!!!!

Well, aside from dried mangoes, which do count more as candy 'cause they're so sweet. Especially the Thai ones I like, which are also infused with, yes, sugar. But I don't think I'll ever be ready to give them up, so a girl is allowed to have one exception.

Speck in the universe

My mind often wanders around 10 pm. I would daydream about certain people being a bigger part of my everyday life, and certain people being gone completely. I'd picture being the kind of person who could be courteous no matter the circumstance, and just overall, generally likeable--who wouldn't give the slightest hint of my discomfort or awkwardness. You know that feeling when you can hear your own voice, the fake lilt, the nervous swearing? And despite your best effort, you only come halfway, because everyone knows that you don't actually care to be there? You wish you wanted to be there.

You know you've failed because when it's time to say goodbye, you face an abrupt, cool dismissal. You hated having to pander, to begin the conversation in the first place with people who distrust you (because they can feel it, you fraud). Resent the fact that you even had to think about it, to put such excruciating effort in something that comes so easily for other people. Annoyed that you're in this situation at all.

I know at the end of the day that the problem lies in my perspective. And that's also where the solution is. If I could just change my perspective, talk myself out of feeling what I feel. Except--why should I deny it: how I am, how my mind works, my impulses and reactions and fury? If I deny all this, then wouldn't I feel more stuck than ever? Wouldn't I end up resenting myself, too?