This cracks me up at 1 in the morning

Today in the newsroom, I asked Jordan how Ashley liked the ostrich egg he gave her for their one year. And then I told him that there was something I needed to show him, so would he please come to where I was sitting. Except there wasn't actually anything I needed to show him; I was just pretending so that it'd seem like we were immersed in some kind of serious news discussion -- something really pressing. But what actually happened was, he recited a couple of the poems that he wrote for Ashley and then he showed me more on his blog.  They are stupendous so I will be generous with my findings and share:

By Jordan **i****

Poems What What

Your eyes open
like flowers
close
like sunsets
cry
like waterfalls

I kissed you
like my pillow
in grade school--
I think the
pillow
liked it better

You popped
our love
like a pimple--
I still
have scars.

All is fair
in love
and beer pong.

I mounted you
like a steer,
you bucked me,
like a bronco.

I love you
like a clownfish
loves a sea anenome--
have you
not
heard of
symbiosis?

She said,
"Don't ever leave me."
He said,
"I'm just going
to the bathroom."

We danced
like no one was watching--
turns out they were.
We got embarrassed
and went back inside. 

Give the people what they want

She said "Hi"

He said "Hi"

She said

"This isn't

working out."

I said

"I love you"

She said

"You've got a

thing in your

teeth right

there

no

there

no--

you got it"

I learned

your body

like a map--

I was always

bad with

directions.

Spooning,

I discovered,

is nothing

like

silverware.

When she

smiled the world

smiled.

When she got

in a crazy rage--

well, let's not

talk about it.

We talked until

the sun rose--

I was asleep

for the last

two hours of it

but you didn't notice.

A poem is a plumb is a napalm

She said
"Let's go to
my place"
He said
"Can we
play Scrabble?"

Diamonds are a
girl's best friend.
I, unfortunately,
have always been a
diamond.

"Love poems are
so corny," she said.
"Yeah, totally," he said,
stuffing a love poem
back into his pocket.

Pillow talk, for me,
has always meant
talking to my pillow.

He said,
"What do you
want to do?"
She said
"I don't know
what do you want
to do?"
Nine months later
there was a baby.