I made avocado gouda pasta tonight

with roasted asparagus and peppercorn--

and Drew wolfed it all up! Little else makes me feel as accomplished on a weekday night.

Oh no, nah nah nah

The following is an email from my mom after she read my earlier post about what a mess I've made of our bedroom.

"Dear xiao mei,

So you are busy all the times so you do not have time to clean your room?!

Are you sure Drew is ok with you?  Drew is such a nice husband!!

How I wish I can fly there to clean for you! 

Someday you will be able to make a lot of money to hire a cleaning lady!"

To this I would like to say--although the damage has already been done as my mother is obviously alarmed--that I am an EXCELLENT toilet scrubber. I also spend every night wiping our bathroom floor. And the kitchen trashcan is PRISTINE. I wipe down and disinfect the lid and sides like nobody's business. It's probably the cleanest trashcan in all of Manhattan.

A good day

After work, I met Drew and Chloe in front of Gourmet Garage, where the litto bear was clutching an empty coconut water bottle. She kept sticking her tongue in the bottle neck, hoping to catch the last little droplets--even when there were none left. Without her notice, I slipped onto the bench in front of her, and she was so busy with that water bottle that it took a minute until she looked up and noticed I was even there. She was quiet for a moment and almost expressionless as if trying to comprehend how I had materialized. Then she had this big, happy smile and said, "Ma ma!"

After she fell asleep at 7:30, Drew and I started our DIY Shabu/Hot Pot dinner. IT WAS THE BEST. Rib-eye, shrimp, daikon, Chinese cabbage, tofu, corn, carrots, etc. etc. So simple! And delicious! We had our feast while watching Grey's Anatomy.

By 11 pm, I was fast asleep.

Work life

Toni Morrison

"There is a loneliness that can be rocked. Arms crossed, knees drawn up; holding, holding on, this motion, unlike a ship’s, smooths and contains the rocker.  It’s an inside kind—wrapped tight like skin. Then there is a loneliness that roams.  No rocking can hold it down. It is alive, on its own." --Toni Morrison [Chloe Anthony Wofford]

Rug, better w/o tassels

 The uncertainty of where we'll be at the year's end, or in two to three years' time makes me reluctant  to commit to our current place. I like where we live. Our apartment is the best one I've lived in since moving to New York. But as was the case at 10N in Battery Park, which was our home for a mere 8 months,  I can't help thinking of 2A as temporary. I know that Chloe's bedroom looks nothing like the nursery she deserves. And that our hallway has so much more potential to be some kind of gallery walk-through area, which is what I had envisioned when we first moved in. And I know that neither Drew nor I really like spending time in our own bedroom, because:

1) I still have not unpacked my suitcase from 6 months ago.
2) There's no evidence of our personalities anywhere, and despite having discussed all the ways we could adorn our walls with artfully arranged prints, we don't have anything up aside from two sheets of paper that Chloe has colored and pasted stickers on.
3) Our desk is forever unused, because the entire surface is covered with my postcards and candy wrappers, envelopes and binder clips, catalogs and toys, and manuscripts upon manuscripts upon manuscripts.
4) We each have our respective clothes piles (mine is a million times worse), consisting of work clothes that we shed on the floor as soon as we come home, which we seldom ever hang back up or deposit in the laundry basket (which is usually overflowing).

I realize I'm not presenting myself in the best light here, describing how I am basically a slob. Which isn't exactly news to anyone who knows or loves me, anyway. But I guess this all folds into the realization that for a long time now, I haven't liked where I am at, what I'm not doing, and the who-I-am that has pushed the envelope of people's tolerance. It really translates into my inability to make 2A a proper, respectable-looking living space. One that our little family deserves. And above all, a place that feels permanent--whether or not it is.

Lalala

Do you like to swim? Yes, it's the only sport that doesn't make me sweat. 

Do you need to return anyone's phone call? I don't think so. Most people now know that it's usually fruitless to call me. 

What is the closest orange object to you? A book about how exercise improves the brain.

What did you last eat? Black bean soup mixed with Tuscan sausage soup.

Who is your favorite teacher of all time? My mom and grandpa. In school, it was Mrs. Chase.

Name one of your goals for this year? Maintain a clutter-free bedroom. Stop eating so much goldfish (probably not going to happen.).

Did you cry because Michael Jackson died? I did.

What does your 9th message on your phone say? "If you have taken the birthcontrols Yaz, Ocella, or Yasmin and suffered negative health effects you could be eligible for compensation." Good thing I have not.

Look to your left. What's there? Manuscript transmittal checklist.

Ever pop someone else's pimple? Yes. I have to say it could be thrilling if the person's name is Andrew.

How long does it take you to fall asleep? Almost no time at all. I have to stop myself from falling asleep all the time.

Are you scared about the end of the world? It's not a pressing fear.

What are you looking forward to? It's always the same: Going home. And retirement.

What comes to your mind when I say red? Clifford.

Do you crack your neck often? I don't know how.

Do you usually hold your pee for a long time? Sometimes when I'm sleeping.Then I have grotesque dreams of the nastiest bathrooms imaginable. 

Is it possible to lick your elbow? Not mine.

Worst feeling in the world? Guilt or resentment.

Name something you think is pointless? Doing work on a Friday afternoon when your belly is full 'n warm.

Favorite fast food restaurant? SHAKE SHACK.

Have you ever been in a fist fight? No, people.

Do you wish at 11:11? If I catch it, yes.

What's your favorite color gummy bear? I like green or clear.

What is the sexiest part of the opposite sex's body? Muscular arms.

Have you ever made up/sang a song for someone you cared about? For Chloe.

Where do you sing the most, in the car, the shower or other? I sing the most when I'm with Chloe, wherever we are. And nowadays I always sing when I put on her shoes.

What is your favorite thing that is green? Evergreens.

What do you smell like? Probably like soup.

Ever hurt yourself playing Wii? I don't engage in Wii.

Do you have freckles? Yes.

What's the last movie you saw in the theater? The Hobbit with my sister in Taiwan. I was there more for the popcorn. 

Ever jumped/fallen/been pushed in a pool with your clothes on? Yes, pushed. I fought like a dog but lost.

Name a song that you know all the words to: Insy Binsy Spider. It's currently Chloe's favorite.

Are you in love with someone right now? Oh yes.

What can you hear right now? Fleet Foxes.

Did you feel better or worse or the same yesterday? Better.

What are your plans for today? Going to a David Sedaris reading with Jess Chia! 

What was your favorite childhood show? Arthur the anteater.

Do you sleep well at night? Soo well.

If there's anything I'd like

It's this goose sweater.

Swimsuit season

Carl Jung

"Loneliness does not come from being alone, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important."

We keep what we hide

You call me all the right words but the right words sound so wrong
You say that I'm changing
I guess I will before too long
Will you give me a way out or a past to live down?

It's the simplest of things we want.

Listen here

Green in bed

I like having clean hair while eating kale salad in bed.

Small

chloe and i went to central park today. we stood under a big, blooming tree, and i took my eyes off her for a bit to observe a crew of models in a photo shoot. they wore such nice clothes. fur, leather, red soles, lots of shine, such long thin legs. 

when i reverted my gaze to chloe, there she was lying on her back, on the grass, smiling up at the tree and its delicate flowers. i was surprised -- a minute ago she had been standing. i guess she had figured out the best way to make herself comfortable. when i laid down next to her, she turned to me and smiled. "There you are," i said. "Look, tree."  

"dee."

i said Sky, and she pointed at the blue.