Sci-Fi

Tina: What kind of movie do you like?
Me: Pretty much anything except sci-fi.
Tina: What do you consider sci-fi?
Me: Like... "Journey to the Edge of the Earth."
Tina: Um, you mean, "Journey to the Center of the Universe."
Me: Oh ewps, haha yeah.

More and more

I feel indifferent about certain things, people, relationships, obligations.

I've been told a number of times in the past that I always take matters too personally. Too sensitive about a miscommunication, a disappointment, some small promise casually broken, a careless remark, everything.

Well here's what I found out recently. When I am not taking something personally, that means I'm almost completely indifferent to it: the "oh well," i-couldn't-care-less-if-i-tried, or make myself feel guilty about it when I don't, kind of indifference. It's either I'm totally in, so personal and invested, or I'm totally whatever. Maybe it's because I'm becoming less sentimental. Maybe it's also because I'm less intent on pleasing others, and instead more aware of how silly it is to go out of my way for something that I don't even fully understand or appreciate the value of anymore. If I no longer believe in it, why am I still trying? Just don't. If I don't love, why should I try to convince myself that there's a chance I do? Just don't. No point in denying.

Some people would argue that when you're indifferent, you're stuck. Stuck in an unemotional state, a coma of some sort. But if you look at it differently, perhaps there's a kind of freedom in it. In feeling indifferent, unattached. Once you face the fact that you don't care, you can let it go.

A good man is hard to find

During one of the most stressful weeks of my life, buster cleaned my car. 'Cause its messy state was another huge burden I had been putting off. And he knew how much I dreaded it so he took that burden from me.

This counts as one of the most unexpected things to date. Even now I'm amazed and super touched! A random, thoughtful act, so rare.

Maire Jaanus

"Consciousness tries to be deterministic, to predict and to control; but the passions are unpredictable, random, and accidental."

Don't bother with him

"...Alice felt a tinge of regret that Eric was always much sweeter with her when she was feeling strong and doing well than when she was weak and drained of self-confidence. She didn't need to be taken out for dinner when she could afford it, or told she looked beautiful when she could almost believe it...'If you loved me when I was down, you will love me always...If you begin to love me only now I'm respectable, how do I know that it's indeed me rather than the respectability you love?'"

(The Romanic Movement by Alain de Botton)

Except it's not so much the respectability he loves, it's himself. The more accomplished, beautiful and confident she is, and the more that other people admire her and approve of her, the more that he will think she is someone of value. And he is convinced that because of this, being with her will add to his own value.

Milk 'n cookies

The best ever.

That's why I'm super!

Stars

Two people are alley cats

The other night you said you might try to kill that thing I love
It is too strong for you, it is encased in glass and stone.

(Hot Chip - Alley Cats)

Childhood

I sometimes see

half-formed smiles like this, pressed back.
there's almost a reluctance to break loose, dimples strained and lips sometimes turned downward with the effort to suppress free-laughter. no teeth yet. but still the delight is there and true.

I like such smiles a lot.

click on the heading above for this song.

Philip Roth

"People think that in falling in love they make themselves whole? The Platonic union of souls? I think otherwise. I think you're whole before you begin. And the love fractures you. You're whole, and then you're cracked open."

Peech

Bear's big special day

It's Drew's birthday today!!!!! To the one and only boy I know who transforms his cupcake into a sandwich:

Take the bottom off...

Plop it on top...

...for a Bear-style cupcake sammich!

"The other day Drew put medicine on my infected ear piercing. As my head rested on his lap I thought how nice it was to have someone care about some tidbit piece of me as small as my earlobe, how silly is that and how all the more endearing. Possibly even a truer representation of care than a kiss. Afterward he asked me if I wanted to go grocery shopping with him when it was already past 10 p.m. I wanted to tell him, my favorite thing is nighttime runs to get food! But I was beside myself so I simply said one word Yes. He bought yogurt for me and lean pockets and apple juice."
-November 2, 2010

Hahaha

To get the full effect, please read this out loud.

Andrew's twin moles

hahahahah

Charles Dickens

--A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other. (A Tale of Two Cities)

--Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before -- more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.
(Great Expectations)

--The whole difference between construction and creation is exactly this: that a thing constructed can only be loved after it is constructed; but a thing created is loved before it exists.

--No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.