I feel indifferent about certain things, people, relationships, obligations.
I've been told a number of times in the past that I always take matters too personally. Too sensitive about a miscommunication, a disappointment, some small promise casually broken, a careless remark, everything.
Well here's what I found out recently. When I am not taking something personally, that means I'm almost completely indifferent to it: the "oh well," i-couldn't-care-less-if-i-tried, or make myself feel guilty about it when I don't, kind of indifference. It's either I'm totally in, so personal and invested, or I'm totally whatever. Maybe it's because I'm becoming less sentimental. Maybe it's also because I'm less intent on pleasing others, and instead more aware of how silly it is to go out of my way for something that I don't even fully understand or appreciate the value of anymore. If I no longer believe in it, why am I still trying? Just don't. If I don't love, why should I try to convince myself that there's a chance I do? Just don't. No point in denying.
Some people would argue that when you're indifferent, you're stuck. Stuck in an unemotional state, a coma of some sort. But if you look at it differently, perhaps there's a kind of freedom in it. In feeling indifferent, unattached. Once you face the fact that you don't care, you can let it go.
