Happy birthday, Kristen

Dearest Kristen, 

Today is your birthday. I want to share something with you: 

Every time I sing at church, I feel replenished. The last time I went to church was December 4, 2011. On that day as I told everyone that Chloe was due in one day, I felt a flurry of things. Excited, scared, doubtful that she'd really be here anytime soon, wishing to remain pregnant for a bit longer so that I could continue to enjoy having her in my belly, yet also anxious to see her asap. As I sang worship song after worship song, I started tearing up. Usually I'm not sure why I cry at church, where it comes from. But this time I knew.

It was because in the middle of all those emotions, I suddenly thought of you. And as soon as I thought of you, everything became so calm inside. I kept imagining you wrapped in the Christmas blanket that your mom made for you several Christmasses ago. And how, when you were praying for me after reading my first message about my pregnancy, God had allowed you to feel the peace that He wanted to give me. 

I felt this overwhelming peace coupled with a tenderness -- like a beautiful, beautiful ache because my heart was just filled with so much love. "Honor" is a big word, sort of grandiose I think, but that's how I feel when I think of me being the one who you've opened up your heart to. Honored is what I feel when I think of my place in your life and your place in mine. 

Thank you for lifting me up, for sending up prayers for Chloe with each beat of your heart. Prayers that look like this scene of floating lanterns, so bright and full of the fire of hope that they can't possibly be missed. 

Her initials are CKN.
Her first name is Chloe, middle name is Kristen, last name is Ng. 

Chloe Kristen Ng, because I hope that all her life she will carry a part of you with her. I am so, so proud to name my daughter after you.