Sunday, June 26, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
from LA in Bloom
Blueberry muffins... My all-time favorite! Here's a perfect picture from one of my most frequented blogs. I am going to learn how to bake them so that they turn out exactly like this, and arrange them on a pristine china plate with a flower just as pretty. That's under the list of (long term) goals for Jenny the Lovable Mother and Wife hahaha.
Till then I'll continue getting my weekly bluebelly muffin from the dinky breakfast vendor on the corner of Hudson and King.
Till then I'll continue getting my weekly bluebelly muffin from the dinky breakfast vendor on the corner of Hudson and King.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Molly Bloom's soliloquy
“I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.”
--The very last words in Ulysses by James Joyce
--The very last words in Ulysses by James Joyce
Friday, June 10, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
Are you up?
woke up today, made myself some tea. set it on the table and thought of mornings at home where my mom would have a bowl of homemade fruit yogurt ready for me. much of the time she used that flavorless white bottom layer of watermelon closest to the skin, the part that no one eats because they always stop after the sweet red meat. but my mom told me that the white layer's the healthiest, so i liked it in my yogurt. she'd throw in honey dew melon and papaya to sweeten up the mix. sometimes blueberries and apples. i really miss my mom and our mornings.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Meh
Just showed my mom the pic of JGS below.
Me: Look mom, this is my ultimate.
She: Shiao mei, after ten years you'll have babies.
Oh pew, I don't even know how that is relevant at all.
Me: Look mom, this is my ultimate.
She: Shiao mei, after ten years you'll have babies.
Oh pew, I don't even know how that is relevant at all.
Aahh it's starting again
JGS re-obsession!!!!! Watched a bit of Mary Stayed Out All Night. I definitely cannot allow myself to get addicted to another JGS drama... 'cause I'd be glued to my screen 24-7 for sure. Sigh. Will have to settle for daydreams instead.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sci-Fi
Tina: What kind of movie do you like?
Me: Pretty much anything except sci-fi.
Tina: What do you consider sci-fi?
Me: Like... "Journey to the Edge of the Earth."
Tina: Um, you mean, "Journey to the Center of the Universe."
Me: Oh ewps, haha yeah.
Me: Pretty much anything except sci-fi.
Tina: What do you consider sci-fi?
Me: Like... "Journey to the Edge of the Earth."
Tina: Um, you mean, "Journey to the Center of the Universe."
Me: Oh ewps, haha yeah.
More and more
I feel indifferent about certain things, people, relationships, obligations.
I've been told a number of times in the past that I always take matters too personally. Too sensitive about a miscommunication, a disappointment, some small promise casually broken, a careless remark, everything.
Well here's what I found out recently. When I am not taking something personally, that means I'm almost completely indifferent to it: the "oh well," i-couldn't-care-less-if-i-tried, or make myself feel guilty about it when I don't, kind of indifference. It's either I'm totally in, so personal and invested, or I'm totally whatever. Maybe it's because I'm becoming less sentimental. Maybe it's also because I'm less intent on pleasing others, and instead more aware of how silly it is to go out of my way for something that I don't even fully understand or appreciate the value of anymore. If I no longer believe in it, why am I still trying? Just don't. If I don't love, why should I try to convince myself that there's a chance I do? Just don't. No point in denying.
Some people would argue that when you're indifferent, you're stuck. Stuck in an unemotional state, a coma of some sort. But if you look at it differently, perhaps there's a kind of freedom in it. In feeling indifferent, unattached. Once you face the fact that you don't care, you can let it go.
I've been told a number of times in the past that I always take matters too personally. Too sensitive about a miscommunication, a disappointment, some small promise casually broken, a careless remark, everything.
Well here's what I found out recently. When I am not taking something personally, that means I'm almost completely indifferent to it: the "oh well," i-couldn't-care-less-if-i-tried, or make myself feel guilty about it when I don't, kind of indifference. It's either I'm totally in, so personal and invested, or I'm totally whatever. Maybe it's because I'm becoming less sentimental. Maybe it's also because I'm less intent on pleasing others, and instead more aware of how silly it is to go out of my way for something that I don't even fully understand or appreciate the value of anymore. If I no longer believe in it, why am I still trying? Just don't. If I don't love, why should I try to convince myself that there's a chance I do? Just don't. No point in denying.
Some people would argue that when you're indifferent, you're stuck. Stuck in an unemotional state, a coma of some sort. But if you look at it differently, perhaps there's a kind of freedom in it. In feeling indifferent, unattached. Once you face the fact that you don't care, you can let it go.
A good man is hard to find
During one of the most stressful weeks of my life, buster cleaned my car. 'Cause its messy state was another huge burden I had been putting off. And he knew how much I dreaded it so he took that burden from me.
This counts as one of the most unexpected things to date. Even now I'm amazed and super touched! A random, thoughtful act, so rare.
Maire Jaanus
"Consciousness tries to be deterministic, to predict and to control; but the passions are unpredictable, random, and accidental."
Don't bother with him
"...Alice felt a tinge of regret that Eric was always much sweeter with her when she was feeling strong and doing well than when she was weak and drained of self-confidence. She didn't need to be taken out for dinner when she could afford it, or told she looked beautiful when she could almost believe it...'If you loved me when I was down, you will love me always...If you begin to love me only now I'm respectable, how do I know that it's indeed me rather than the respectability you love?'"
(The Romanic Movement by Alain de Botton)
Except it's not so much the respectability he loves, it's himself. The more accomplished, beautiful and confident she is, and the more that other people admire her and approve of her, the more that he will think she is someone of value. And he is convinced that because of this, being with her will add to his own value.
(The Romanic Movement by Alain de Botton)
Except it's not so much the respectability he loves, it's himself. The more accomplished, beautiful and confident she is, and the more that other people admire her and approve of her, the more that he will think she is someone of value. And he is convinced that because of this, being with her will add to his own value.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Two people are alley cats
The other night you said you might try to kill that thing I love
It is too strong for you, it is encased in glass and stone.
(Hot Chip - Alley Cats)
It is too strong for you, it is encased in glass and stone.
(Hot Chip - Alley Cats)
I sometimes see
half-formed smiles like this, pressed back.
there's almost a reluctance to break loose, dimples strained and lips sometimes turned downward with the effort to suppress free-laughter. no teeth yet. but still the delight is there and true.
I like such smiles a lot.
click on the heading above for this song.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Philip Roth
"People think that in falling in love they make themselves whole? The Platonic union of souls? I think otherwise. I think you're whole before you begin. And the love fractures you. You're whole, and then you're cracked open."
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Bear's big special day
It's Drew's birthday today!!!!! To the one and only boy I know who transforms his cupcake into a sandwich:
Take the bottom off...
Plop it on top...
...for a Bear-style cupcake sammich!
"The other day Drew put medicine on my infected ear piercing. As my head rested on his lap I thought how nice it was to have someone care about some tidbit piece of me as small as my earlobe, how silly is that and how all the more endearing. Possibly even a truer representation of care than a kiss. Afterward he asked me if I wanted to go grocery shopping with him when it was already past 10 p.m. I wanted to tell him, my favorite thing is nighttime runs to get food! But I was beside myself so I simply said one word Yes. He bought yogurt for me and lean pockets and apple juice."
-November 2, 2010
"The other day Drew put medicine on my infected ear piercing. As my head rested on his lap I thought how nice it was to have someone care about some tidbit piece of me as small as my earlobe, how silly is that and how all the more endearing. Possibly even a truer representation of care than a kiss. Afterward he asked me if I wanted to go grocery shopping with him when it was already past 10 p.m. I wanted to tell him, my favorite thing is nighttime runs to get food! But I was beside myself so I simply said one word Yes. He bought yogurt for me and lean pockets and apple juice."
-November 2, 2010
Monday, May 9, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Charles Dickens
--A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other. (A Tale of Two Cities)
--Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before -- more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.
(Great Expectations)
--The whole difference between construction and creation is exactly this: that a thing constructed can only be loved after it is constructed; but a thing created is loved before it exists.
--No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.
--Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before -- more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.
(Great Expectations)
--The whole difference between construction and creation is exactly this: that a thing constructed can only be loved after it is constructed; but a thing created is loved before it exists.
--No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
I used to
push Justin around in this when his toddler legs were still unaccustomed to propelling by themselves. Once when no one was looking I tried to climb in myself. It took me much longer to get myself unstuck.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Courtesy of Jordan Teicher
From Bertrand Russell's autobiography:
"Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a deep ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair.
I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy -- ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness -- that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it, finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what -- at last -- I have found.
With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of men. I have wished to know why the stars shine. And I have tried to apprehend the Pythagorean power by which number holds sway above the flux. A little of this, but not much, I have achieved.
Love and knowledge, so far as they were possible, led upward toward the heavens. But always pity brought me back to earth. Echoes of cries of pain reverberate in my heart. Children in famine, victims tortured by oppressors, helpless old people a hated burden to their sons, and the whole world of loneliness, poverty, and pain make a mockery of what human life should be. I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot, and I too suffer. This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered me."
"Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a deep ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair.
I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy -- ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness -- that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it, finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what -- at last -- I have found.
With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of men. I have wished to know why the stars shine. And I have tried to apprehend the Pythagorean power by which number holds sway above the flux. A little of this, but not much, I have achieved.
Love and knowledge, so far as they were possible, led upward toward the heavens. But always pity brought me back to earth. Echoes of cries of pain reverberate in my heart. Children in famine, victims tortured by oppressors, helpless old people a hated burden to their sons, and the whole world of loneliness, poverty, and pain make a mockery of what human life should be. I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot, and I too suffer. This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered me."
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Chris Spain
"We defend ourselves by not caring passionately; that way, if things don't work out, we aren't really hurt.
But by protecting yourself from the pain of failure, from the insult of finishing second or third or fifth or even last, you preclude the possibility of triumph.
If you give up passion, you are punished twice over. You don't give yourself the chance at those highs, and your life spills like sand through your hands anyway.
I think, maybeperhaps, passionate people have learned there is really nothing to lose.
You are marched to the wall at the end, passionate or not. So why not go ahead and risk everything, because what are you risking? What is the worst thing that can happen?"
You learn something.
But by protecting yourself from the pain of failure, from the insult of finishing second or third or fifth or even last, you preclude the possibility of triumph.
If you give up passion, you are punished twice over. You don't give yourself the chance at those highs, and your life spills like sand through your hands anyway.
I think, maybeperhaps, passionate people have learned there is really nothing to lose.
You are marched to the wall at the end, passionate or not. So why not go ahead and risk everything, because what are you risking? What is the worst thing that can happen?"
You learn something.
Not knowing before you know
"Give yourself the gift of not knowing before you know. Try not to know until the last possible moment -- of story, of day, of life. Or if you have to know, try not to be sure. Be careful about knowing anything without questioning your knowing, because it might stunt you, stultify you, stupid you up."
--Chris Spain
--Chris Spain
Sunday, April 17, 2011
If I had the dough
I would buy you something like this:
even though i know it's supposed to come from your future bai mah wang dze, who's to say a girl can't have two of these in her lifetime? i love how rings are only a little portion of the ridiculous things we talk about.
remember those mix CDs you used to burn for me? they're hands down on the tip top of my Favorite Things in Life. and it's not only because they were just flat out awesome but above all they were an extension of who you were at one point or another: what you liked, what moved you. and i love that even now, i can tell which song's coming after the other before it even begins. there are so many memories associated with each track -- Bohemian Like You, Let Go, Sleep on Needles, Blizzard of '77, The Build Up, What it Feels Like for a Girl, and so many more. I prize every one of them. The mix that started with "Dedicated to the Ones I Love" yields an especially emotion listen every time. My mom loved that CD too; she always made me replay Yesterday Once More so that she could sing along.
you really are.
happy birthday, jess! thanks for being a vital part of my life and sanity and so much of what makes me who i am. i think about it sometimes and i wonder what all would have been lost if it weren't for your presence, both bodily and in heart, and for your wisdom and wit and openness to discuss, to share, to probe and wonder. i love you! our friendship couldn't ever become trivial to me; i'll keep trying to bring you joy and comfort and everything else you need (and do not need). i love you, again, i love you!
here for you, 22 and onward.
-jenny
even though i know it's supposed to come from your future bai mah wang dze, who's to say a girl can't have two of these in her lifetime? i love how rings are only a little portion of the ridiculous things we talk about.
remember those mix CDs you used to burn for me? they're hands down on the tip top of my Favorite Things in Life. and it's not only because they were just flat out awesome but above all they were an extension of who you were at one point or another: what you liked, what moved you. and i love that even now, i can tell which song's coming after the other before it even begins. there are so many memories associated with each track -- Bohemian Like You, Let Go, Sleep on Needles, Blizzard of '77, The Build Up, What it Feels Like for a Girl, and so many more. I prize every one of them. The mix that started with "Dedicated to the Ones I Love" yields an especially emotion listen every time. My mom loved that CD too; she always made me replay Yesterday Once More so that she could sing along.
you really are.
happy birthday, jess! thanks for being a vital part of my life and sanity and so much of what makes me who i am. i think about it sometimes and i wonder what all would have been lost if it weren't for your presence, both bodily and in heart, and for your wisdom and wit and openness to discuss, to share, to probe and wonder. i love you! our friendship couldn't ever become trivial to me; i'll keep trying to bring you joy and comfort and everything else you need (and do not need). i love you, again, i love you!
here for you, 22 and onward.
-jenny
Thursday, April 14, 2011
He said
When Drew saw the picture on the left, he said, "Too much hair. Too little body."
I thought it was a funny way of putting things.
If you're going to do it
"Chicks who make out with each other for attention should be forced to go down on a thick-ankled, softball playing lesbian."
- Jenny Johnson
- Jenny Johnson
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
Hydrangeas
Yesterday I spotted a man falling asleep in his wheelchair, head tucked into his wrinkled chest. He reminded me of an old, deflated beach ball resting quietly, undisturbed.
His wife was behind him, helping out a passerby who wanted to know which way was Broadway. The old lady's voice sounded like a tea kettle, and she carried a Strand tote, from which I saw a copy of Better Homes and Gardens. I wondered if she sung to her plants.
"Well of course I sing to them, dear! How else would I expect them to grow properly? The key is to keep the same carol for each. That way it's familiar. They know what to expect."
His wife was behind him, helping out a passerby who wanted to know which way was Broadway. The old lady's voice sounded like a tea kettle, and she carried a Strand tote, from which I saw a copy of Better Homes and Gardens. I wondered if she sung to her plants.
"Well of course I sing to them, dear! How else would I expect them to grow properly? The key is to keep the same carol for each. That way it's familiar. They know what to expect."
After the wake
Half a bar of pale pink soap slowly flakes
along me at the bottom of the tub.
I am sprawled in the northernmost corner
thinking of fresh bagels and lox.
I lower my head into the bathwater
until only my nose remains dry.
What might Drew think if he walked in then
to find a lone, fleshy triangle
quietly floating on the water’s surface
as if abandoned accidentally by someone in a hurry?
I laugh, watch as bubbles gush upwards
from my mouth, dissipating in delicate whimpers.
What might it be like to live only for a moment
born from the laughter of a silly woman?
along me at the bottom of the tub.
I am sprawled in the northernmost corner
thinking of fresh bagels and lox.
I lower my head into the bathwater
until only my nose remains dry.
What might Drew think if he walked in then
to find a lone, fleshy triangle
quietly floating on the water’s surface
as if abandoned accidentally by someone in a hurry?
I laugh, watch as bubbles gush upwards
from my mouth, dissipating in delicate whimpers.
What might it be like to live only for a moment
born from the laughter of a silly woman?
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Uncanny similarity
This is basically the expression Drew assumes when he's hugging his pillow, which is especially fluffy because it's specifically for those who sleep on their sides. My pillow is for back-sleepers, so it hasn't got as much poof. I sometimes (sometimes) try to do a sneak-exchange of pillows when he's not there. But he always finds out. :(
Friday, April 1, 2011
I think it's real
Thursday, March 31, 2011
I surprise myself sometimes
Mr. and Mrs. Craker were in New York for the day and they wanted to meet up for dinner with all the Morrison alumni who are here. As always I felt the same old fear/reluctance/anxiety about seeing anyone associated with high school (it's been four years and I still don't properly know why that is). But as I left my internship today thinking "God I can't wait to get home and collapse in bed with my pile of homework/non-homework," that super-dead part of me suddenly was muted. Because I started imagining Mr. Craker saying grace.
"He would say grace at dinner, I know that." And that was that, and there I was on my way to them.
Guess there are all kinds of reasons for saying yes to things.
"He would say grace at dinner, I know that." And that was that, and there I was on my way to them.
Guess there are all kinds of reasons for saying yes to things.
Be available to obsession
"There must be a thousand thousand ways to rewrite a story; probably as many ways as there are stories. It's so unlike a science; so messy, unpredictable, unclassifiable.
You have to love it for that.
(Didn't mean to suggest all scientists work in black or white. Seems the best scientists, the best anybodies are interested in the grays.)"
* * *
"You can write ten drafts before you find your story. Then you realize you have the wrong character in the right story so you write another five drafts to find the right character.
I always have the wrong character."
-Chris Spain
You have to love it for that.
(Didn't mean to suggest all scientists work in black or white. Seems the best scientists, the best anybodies are interested in the grays.)"
* * *
"You can write ten drafts before you find your story. Then you realize you have the wrong character in the right story so you write another five drafts to find the right character.
I always have the wrong character."
-Chris Spain
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
East Coker
To arrive where you are, to get from where you are not,
You must go by a way wherein there is no ecstasy.
In order to arrive at what you do not know
You must go by a way which is the way of ignorance.
In order to possess what you do not possess
You must go by the way of dispossession.
In order to arrive at what you are not
You must go through the way in which you are not.
And what you do not know is the only thing you know
And what you own is what you do not own
And where you are is where you are not.
-T.S. Eliot
You must go by a way wherein there is no ecstasy.
In order to arrive at what you do not know
You must go by a way which is the way of ignorance.
In order to possess what you do not possess
You must go by the way of dispossession.
In order to arrive at what you are not
You must go through the way in which you are not.
And what you do not know is the only thing you know
And what you own is what you do not own
And where you are is where you are not.
-T.S. Eliot
I'm dating a man
I'm dating a man with very dark nipples and round hairy toes.
p.s. who happens to make exceptional fried rice.
p.s. who happens to make exceptional fried rice.
Adaptation
This will never get old for me.
Charlie: There was this time in high school. I was watching you out the library window. You were talking to Sarah Marsh.
Donald: Oh, God. I was so in love with her.
Charlie: I know. And you were flirting with her. And she was being really sweet to you.
Donald: I remember that.
Charlie: Then, when you walked away, she started making fun of you with Kim Canetti...You didn't know at all. You seemed so happy.
Donald: I knew. I heard them.
Charlie: How come you looked so happy?
Donald: I loved Sarah, Charles. It was mine, that love. I owned it. Even Sarah didn't have the right to take it away. I can love whoever I want.
Charlie: But she thought you were pathetic.
Donald: That was her business, not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you. That's what I decided a long time ago.
Charlie: There was this time in high school. I was watching you out the library window. You were talking to Sarah Marsh.
Donald: Oh, God. I was so in love with her.
Charlie: I know. And you were flirting with her. And she was being really sweet to you.
Donald: I remember that.
Charlie: Then, when you walked away, she started making fun of you with Kim Canetti...You didn't know at all. You seemed so happy.
Donald: I knew. I heard them.
Charlie: How come you looked so happy?
Donald: I loved Sarah, Charles. It was mine, that love. I owned it. Even Sarah didn't have the right to take it away. I can love whoever I want.
Charlie: But she thought you were pathetic.
Donald: That was her business, not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you. That's what I decided a long time ago.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Getaway: Dominican Republic!
Sharing some pitchers of our time there! Here are some from Drew and Angela's albums:
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